Nix, it sounds like what you did was incredibly thoughtful and totally appropriate! Your T just handled it *awfully*. Is he fairly young or new to being a T? Does he work for a group (i.e. is he not an independent T who works for himself?)


So, in some groups/companies that employ multiple Ts, they're not allowed to accept gifts, per the company/owner's rules. And, most Ts aren't allowed to accept *expensive* gifts, per their ethics.


My understanding is that it's about not taking advantage of the client, given the power dynamics of the relationship, and about examining the unconscious motivation behind the gift. Sometimes a gift really is a way to genuinely show your gratitude, sometimes it's trying to get closer to a T or change the relationship, sometimes it's a way to show dominance in the relationship. There are probably hundreds of other things that *could* be going on with gifts.


But, Ts should handle them with some... grace and class, and not leave you feeling embarrassed about it. What you did was a nice gesture, and you didn't do anything wrong. (If your T previously told you that they couldn't accept gifts, and you purposefully got them something anyway - that would be more problematic. But in this case, you weren't aware of the rule - and the rule isn't a rule meant for YOU anyway - or they would have told you, and worded it like, "clients are not allowed to bring gifts for their Ts"!)


If you can, I absolutely think you should talk to your T about what happened and how you feel. Therapy is supposed to be a somewhat experimental place where you can try things out in the relationship (per my last therapist) and where you can be honest about your feelings. It might make sense to tell them upfront that this is hard for you to talk about, but that you were very embarrassed and hurt by what happened. I'd hope (very much!) that having had some time to think about it, your T would react better this time around, and help validate that you don't have anything to be embarrassed about.


Oh wow... I just thought... imagine if we all did what your T did. Had rules that we didn't tell people about until they broke them, and then made them feel bad for not knowing in advance what the rule was! That's definitely crazy-making behavior!