I... dont know where to start, i just need to get things out....

- during this last week, after months of silence, an old friend (we were almost a couple but he rejected me before it started) contacted me again because he needed to talk about his gf. i listened and helped him as i could... i was mostly giving than receiving, but i did it because i think he's a good person and he made me feel wise and i liked it. then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me. maybe he made peace with his gf, but right now i feel used. i dont want anything back from him, i wouldnt even want him as a bf now, but i was expecting at least his Christmas wishes, but he barely answered mine. i feel USED!

- this year i was hired in a new place and i thought i made friends with a lot of my colleagues, but none of them sent me their wishes. and after i sent my wishes to them and other old friends, only half of them answered. so not only they forgot me, they even ignore me. i feel so INVISIBLE and ALONE.

- my brother came back home (he lives 45 min away by car) and 1) he didnt come to church (i dont believe either, but i went to make my parents happy - why cant he?); 2) he wants us to go to his place to celebrate. i know this is not too much to ask, but i needed at least 1 day spent at home and i feel my needs and wishes are always ignored by family because others' are more important than mine; and 3) he's still sleeping while we should start lunch and my parents do and say nothing as always. because he's always the most important thing here.

- my last T session went wrong and now i feel abandoned by T too or hurt and mad at her and i want to quit, but at the ame time i feel abandoned, alone and left alone with my feelings.

i feel SO hurt, mad and sad. and i was... i dont know, i had hoped for a better Christmas but its one of the most lonely. i know i have people around me, but nobody seems to see me.