I am not unsympathetic to the pain. I am in my 50s and have been in therapy for a long time.

I know it is painful. I have experienced the same thing. I am the eldest, the most educated, the dependable one. And my parents have always insulted and criticized me.

I have worked hard to develop my own self-esteem.

That is my suggestion. The better you feel about yourself, the less their opinion will matter.

Abusive family members rarely change, unfortunately.