I’m struggling right now because the holidays and being with my family of origin makes me mentally unwell. I really wonder why I do this to myself.

I’ll be returning to the state I live in soon but that means seeing my therapist again. I went into the holidays kind of fragile because of a jealousy situation on my part.

My last session before the holidays I saw my t. But, he ran a bit late with his patient before me and I heard them laughing. When they walked out it was clear that my t and this patient have a really warm relationship. Kashi even said his parting catchphrase to this guy. I don’t know why i thought it was something he only said to me. I feel stupid. During session I didn’t bring it up. After all t didn’t do anything wrong.
Leaving session I stopped in the ladies room. So when I was exiting the building t was letting in the next patient again they were clearly fond of each other.

I feel stupid for ever feeling special in therapy. I am one of many. Not sure where I am going with this post. Not sure how much I am confusing therapy pain with family of origin issues. Just in pain and so very tired of hurting my whole life.