Hugs [emoji847] Growly,
I can really see how this would trigger these deep feelings and stir up some new ones perhaps.
Like others have said each t / client relationship is different. It’s good that you caught that this is from your past and not your present. Could you imagine if Kashi wasn’t laughing or being nice to his clients, how that would make you feel too.
This time of the year stirs up lots of old but very young feelings, you have a choice now though how you would like to react to them, by punishing yourself by feeling not good enough or not as special as his other clients or perhaps trying something new and acknowledging these painful feelings with him or on here and seeing what they really need from you. Maybe just being heard and acknowledged will help.
You and Kashi have a really good relationship, I know it’s hard to see that now but try not to forget about your relationship with him.