I don’t know if I love my husband anymore. I feel like I’m just here for the kids. Married 11 years, 4 children. We don’t talk anymore proper just about day to day things. No kissing or hugging. Hardly any sex. Only if I have to. Don’t really want him near. Big problem is I am from Germany and want to move back but he doesn’t seem to even that he always says he does. And now with the Brexit another strain on the marriage.
Beginning of December I was in Germany alone at my friends house and cheated on my husband with my friends brother in law.
I fancied him since my friend got married in September. We were maid of honour and best man. He wanted to kiss me back in September when we danced. I had a lot of butterflies when he came closer but turned my head away coz my mum and sister were there aswell.
So i actually planned to do something when I was at my friends. I needed to feel like a woman again not just housewife.
The thing is even that I know it was wrong I don’t feel any guilt. I actually enjoyed it.
I don’t miss my husband when he goes to work or when I’m in Germany visiting family.
He is a great guy, very good father and helps out in the household. I should be happy but I am not.
I know it’s not just his fault.
I still love him in a friend kind of way just not romantic anymore.
I know I sound immature and selfish.
And I can’t really talk to him about it.
Not yet.
Some days I am determined to tell him that I am leaving other days I think should I really do it.
What would other people think especially family?
What happens to the kids? The 3 older ones are very much daddy’s kids. Just baby is more focused on me.
Plus oldest one got autism.
But should I stay only to keep kids happy and I get more and more depressed?
I don’t know what to do anymore.