Thanks, Pain. It's like MC maybe knows that, but doesn't seem to want to let go of us for some reason. Maybe he knows he screwed up, particularly regarding some stuff with me (unclear, shifting boundaries, etc.) and he's hoping he can make up for it and get us back on track? I feel like he'd need some actual plan to do that, though, and he's never really been particularly goal-oriented with the marriage counseling--as I've discussed with T before, it's like he's doing psychodynamic therapy, but with a couple. T's had lots of training in couples counseling and uses actual theories/models and stuff in it--as did ex-T, from what she talked about, like having each member of couple fill out goals in the beginning, etc.--but MC seems just kind of free form. So it's not even like we could say, "Hm, have we achieved our goals?"

Sorry, just rambling there--and wondering if things would have been different if we'd gone to someone who did more structured marriage counseling, if we could have stopped much sooner and with more actual progress.... I think there is this part of me that fears not just being away from MC, but also not having the safety net of marriage counseling. Like knowing if H and I have a major conflict over the week, there will be a mediator there for us on Monday. It's the fear that if we stop, then things will go to hell...but I don't know, maybe right now it's actually making things worse? By creating new conflicts?

I feel like spacing out sessions is the safest way to go, just seeing how we do. And then knowing we have an upcoming appointment, even if it's not for another 2 weeks. He's said before when we've talked about termination, that we could space out sessions, even monthly or more, then if we feel a need, either temporarily or longer-term, to see him more often (like going through a rough patch, just needing more support for whatever reason), we could do that. He's also said that if we terminated, as long as he's still practicing, we could always come back. So knowing all that I think makes me feel safer in spacing out sessions/working toward termination... that it's not a final thing (part of why I hate the word "termination"!)

One thought I had was, for the weeks we don't see him, to put the money we'd normally be spending on the session (net of $70 after insurance reimbursement) in a separate account, then after a certain point, use it to take a vacation or buy something nice for ourselves. Like, say, for our 10-year anniversary later this year. I mean, it's not going to be enough to take a trip to Europe, but could definitely help.