I'm just reading John Bradshaw's book "Family secrets" and came across this paragraph:

"If a mother disdains her own dependency needs, she projects her feeling of dependency onto her child, rewarding the child only for being dependent and helpless and withdrawing her love when the child shows signs of autonomy and independence.
The mother needs the child to stay dependent in order to avoid having to accept and deal with own morbid dependency needs."

I've been feeling it was like this for quite a time but reading in clear text was (and still is) like a punch to the stomach. To really fully acklowedge that it wasn't only "annoying" but clearly abuse. By the own mother. And remembering how brutally and mercilessly she did it ignoring any "no". Right now it really hurts a LOT!!!