These past few days I've had a difficult time which was increased by the fact that I was trying very hard not to behave weird or do things I sometimes-but-not-usually do (such as drawing on myself when the SI urges are extremely bad) in fear of the medication having to be stopped.

Pdoc appt today. I started by stating these worries (didn't mention the dream) and he said that that wasn't what I had intended at all. If I had severe-severe-severe side effects (basically meaning: [unbearable] palpitations, psychosis, instant increase in depression - not things like "I had a bad flashback" or "I SIed or used x unusual coping method to deal with the urges, they were that bad": so not things that 'happen occasionally', only the definitely unusual things) I/we might or would have to quit, but not for 'normal abnormal' behaviour.

Thanks again.