I can totally relate to your struggles with alcohol. I wouldn’t consider myself an alcoholic, but I definitely use it as a crutch. I feel a bit like a Jekyll and Hyde. During the day, I am virtually a carcass; I can barely get out of the bed in the morning, and feel chest pains, nausea, and fogginess throughout the day.

When the clock strikes 5, however, I am “a new man.” My wife and I will have a glass of wine, that turns into 2, then 3. This binge drinking is destructive on many fronts:
(1) Medication. I am taking Lamictal and Wellbutrin. Obviously, adding alcohol to the mix makes these medications less effective
(2) Hangovers. The next day I feel like hell on earth, as if the symptoms have been magnified out of proportion: fatigue, nausea, self-defeatism.
(3) Lack of self control. Excessive alcohol leads to impaired judgment: I end up wolfing down a tub of ice cream, several candy bars, or some other sugar filled items that will add to my hangover the next day. Not to mention expand my waistline.
(4) Complications in relationships. When drunk, I am engaging, humorous, and “the life of the party.” However, the next day I am unrecognizable (see #2 above). People don’t understand this detached personality (in contrast to the gregarious version they’d seen last night), and think that I am just a jerk, or don’t like them.

I really wish I could drink in more moderation – maybe 2-3 drinks on the weekend, instead of each night. It’s really messed with my recovery; I know, however, that I can’t turn it down. There’s something seductive about that first sip of Cabernet Sauvignon, or a pairing of a Sauvignon Blanc with a good cheese.

Thanks for sharing; this really helped me.