Hey Wendy, I am not so great at self care sometimes either. I did not take my mid morning meds,I didn't eat "lunch" until 2:00(peaches). But I do try. So, the med thing. Why no meds? Seems like where you are fearing going could be helped with meds. It seems like you have so much at stake It might be good to speak with someone about drugs. Keep talking. I have to ask you a question, Are you abusing or mis-using any alcohol or drugs? I only ask because something in your post reminded me of me when I have been stuffing feelings with chemicals. It's good to reach out to
people here. By speaking about it it helps flush it out and make it more clear.