Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover
It took me almost 5 years & 2100 miles distance to stop literally seeing red every time I had to deal eith my H after I was finally able to leave him.
Focusing on self & learning what to do different (even if I never have a BF/H relationship ever again, I want to analyze myself.....there is NO POINT analyzing the H I left because his mind is broken & there is no way of understanding him & it is pointless to confront someone like thst because in reality they are too emotionally immature to comprehend what is told them anyway.
Making sure you know why you got involved & stayed for as long as you did is your own first step in healing. I had to analyze over 33 years before what my logic was to blow off the red flags I saw before the wedding, then analyze why in the world I stuck in that bad marriage for so long....realized the reasons somewhat changed over the years & yes, over 33 years you bettcha I put a lot of myself into the marriage because it was my life. You can't be involved in life without putting your time & even my engineering career money into it though I know. I lost my whole retirement money I had put away for 15 years in my engineering career because of his financial irresponsibility....several hundred thousands of $ & right now Im fighting to get what little is finally in the home forcing him to sell it in the divorce after it is no longer upside down.
Honestly we all have our crap that we have lived through & lost tons on. The point is what can we learn so we wont alliw it to happen again in the future if a situation ever arises again? That is what our focus needs to be on.
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Eskie, thank you for your personal story and for your support!
I cannot imagine what you've been through, but it is very courageous and shows tremendous strength that you got out of that marriage and looked at yourself too.
Your words about the immaturity resonate with me, as did the other posters'. I now know that a confrontation would be pointless. At one point, I wanted to ream him, nail him to the wall and confront his sorry *** on every little thing he did that was wrong. But now I see how much energy and time I wasted on drafting emails to this effect. It IS pointless and I know he would only just respond with more abuse, mean words and immaturity.
That is why I've decided that IF he does write to me ever again, that I will simply ignore it completely, as ppl here have all suggested I do.
I need to get out of my current mentality of still seeing red (like you after leaving your H). It has faded quite a bit, but it's still there sometimes and creeps into my mindset.
Thank you... your points are all on target and are dead on.
I DO need to focus on myself more.. as everyone is suggesting!!!