Starry, thank you!

Your post brought tears.... you are SO right. I am NOT busy enough, hence the obsessing.

I am only working part-time (20 hours/week), so I have half the day every single day to do..... ??? Job searching and not much else!

I need more to do with my time..... I should take a course and refocus again on my career so I can get another full-time job more easily. I have been waiting until the new year to perhaps start another course. I should start researching courses to find the best one for me right now.

And your points about what he said -- thank you for the validation. I think you and others are correct -- that he said this because he was upset and probably hurt and wanted to hurt me in return.

I have been trying to ignore his words, but they haunt me in the back of my mind at all times. It's forever present. I have to deliberately steer my thoughts to a more realistic perspective. It was cruel of him... he can be cruel, and I have seen this over and over again throughout the year I was with him. I have seen him lash out at me when he's hurt by something I've said or done. He is this way. So that is probably how I need to view his mean words.

And thank you as well for suggesting that I focus on me, who I am and who I want to be. I need to hear this right now.

TY!