I can relate. I tried to quit multiple times without success, but found it hard to get started if I smoked even one. Also, my GF smoked, which made it harder to quit (even though kissing a smoker is like licking out an ashtray ). I finally had success when my GF quit along with me. We've both been smoke-free for three years. I'm not suggesting that you should confront your BF...just sharing my experience. You quit for a while before, & I know you can do it again. I know, however, that you've been going through challenging times; who the hell cares if smoking causes cancer when you're already suicidal? At this point I look at the money angle. Good luck.