As most of you know, I rushed into my last relationship and got into some serious trouble that resulted in a lot of hurt and pain. I rushed in because I was kind of desperate and needy for love at the time. At least, that is how I interpret my actions and lack of reason and logic.

I am still processing this aspect. I suspect it's because the boyfriend before him, I never fell in love with but was with him for two years. When I met my most recent ex, I wanted to feel in love again. I wanted to BE in love. I was craving it at the time. So as you all know, I dismissed all the red flags and then had BIG trouble.

So here I am again, in a newly budding relationship. I don't want to rush things again, but I feel that growing desire to be in love again.

I want to ask him about taking our profiles down from the dating site, but we've only been dating five weeks. Plus, he's still going through some emotional upheaval over his divorce. It was a year ago, but Christmas this year was very hard on him. It was his first holiday on his own, and it hurts him deeply that his family has broken up. He doesn't lament over his ex necessarily, they had some issues, but he laments over the breakup of his family. So I don't want to push things with us.

Thing is, I feel happy overall within myself and for the most part. For the most part, I feel happy on my own. When I am not with my new man, I am with my friends enjoying my life and myself. When I am alone, which is a LOT of the time, I am not miserable or unhappy --- although as you all know, I still obsess over my recent ex a bit.

So I feel confused over my emotions. Am I trying to replace my recent ex by wanting to be in love again? Why do I feel this way when I feel OK on my own and not miserable or unhappy? Am I a love addict? Do I just love to be in love??

We all know that I also started this new relationship pretty much on the heels of my last one. Maybe this is the result of that.

I know I should have healed myself FIRST, so we don't need to get into that part. Maybe this is just the result of getting involved fairly quickly again.

And I don't want to back out of this because he is great, and things are amazing between us so far. I also feel like this is healing for both of us. I just want to be sure that I don't rush things again. I want to avoid those same mistakes.

Hope this makes sense... not sure it makes sense to me even. lol.