...is a good name for this thread.

What happened here? It’s like I’m the shoemaker who went to sleep, and the mice made the shoes!

Stop living in the 1800’s? Lol WTH?

I DO currently have a job. I am self employed. I can make as little or as much as I can, if I could. It is a sales service job.

So right now, I make as little as I have. Very little annually. But, it is somewhat tbe because I am an independent start up business.

But, I know I am sabotaging myself in this job to a degree because I am not actively looking for business, like I am supposed to.

You ask why. Good question.

All my h said is he doesn’t want me to be working much because he wants me around to be with him. Yes, and to wait on him. But, if I am not going to do it, then someone must be paid to do it, because he sure won’t cook and clean.

And he earns enough, he shouldn’t have to.

As for the ex, he hasn’t texted again. I feel more relaxed about him not hating me and wanting to hurt me. But not totally. He’s a good man, just tragic and sick.

I’m pretty sure I fit a lot of the criteria for disorders when you look at my relationships.

Thank you for your responses, though, and pointing out what you said.

Self sabotage is a symptom. I know. I definitely have done it all my life in certain things. Yet, I don’t regret it at all.