Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! This is completely counter to what you are saying. You started this thread by saying how rude your mother is to this man and that it is apparently an intolerable situation. Yet you state here that mom actually approves of him. Just what is the situation because I am at a loss here.

I have additional concerns too. The fact he waited 16 years to marry another woman should be a big red flag to you that making a commitment is difficult for him.

Have you sat down with him to discuss and plan out what a relationship would look like? What will the finances be? Are you expected to contribute and to what degree? In what manner will the household be maintained and run? Will you be the sole person responsible? You will be taken away from your support network. What arrangements then can be expected to maintain this? How often will you get to return to visit your daughter and family? etc.

Please iron this out. In fact, it would behoove yourself and he to draw up a legal agreement.