It was about a little more than a year ago that my former T made me go talk to someone about drugs. I went, and explained to my doctor that I was there only because I told T I would go. I'm scared of how drugs would affect me, don't want another expense, and SJW works most of the time. While I could be set off easily at this point, I am hanging on. Today is cold and foggy and windy, and my seven-year-old's principal wanted to talk to me about him smelling bad and not having good enough lunches (he's a bedwetter, and I'm not sure what is going on with his lunches but he's either not taking what he's supposed to take for lunch, or he's eating it before lunch time - they want me to buy school lunches and I don't think those are an improvement and neither do I want to spend that much). I'm a little down again, but not over the edge, and I have to jump back into the grind of work again starting at 8 in the morning for a double shift. I won't have time for a crisis. If this isn't doing it, chances are I'll make it through this winter. Although there is the danger of a cumulative effect if more gets dumped on me or the kids drive me nuts too much.

My self care is bad today. I didn't go to bed until 4 last night, and haven't eaten a meal today. Cutting down on the chocolate too - I'm getting tired of it. Neither did I do my light therapy, or even take my SJW. I alternately under-and over-dosed the SJW throughout December, but have been pretty good about that so far this month, except for today. That, and chocolate, are the only substances I play with. SI is my drug of choice, and sugar I guess.

I really appreciate the support, all of you, and I apologize for being a stinker.

Hey, I've just about made it through my day off. Don't have another one until Wednesday.

Wendy