What is important to understand about this is that often mothers don't do this intentionally. They genuinely don't understand child development and what they should do to HELP their child during each stage of development and that the most important thing they need to do "for" their child is help the child develop their OWN identity and feel SAFE to do so. The other thing mothers fail to understand is how she will be the first one the child will test and her reaction will help the child understand what that child will not get away with. The teen years are typically the hardest in that again the mother/parents get tested first. This is when the mother has to have skills where she can engage her child in conversations about these tests and in turn this helps the child develop skills to do the same as they interact with others including their piers.

The main focus is on gaining more and more skills to become more independent, not be dependent on the mother where the mother is some kind of ruler all the time that takes their child's self respect away constantly. Sadly a lot of mothers have no education when it comes to learning "how" to raise a healthy child.

All the things you and the OP have shared reflect just how little your mothers actually knew about raising a child. This is why even now years later these same mothers continue to blame and fault, it's still showing their lack of knowledge.

Unfortunately, a lot of women had children simply because "it's what comes next", they literally have no clue what to do once they have this huge responsibility.

When I had a child I read everything I could get my hands on about child development. Today there is a lot more information as we have gained in our understanding about brain development and stages of development.