maybe it's an mpd thing? that persona "died" and you created a new on in it's place? now that you are aware of the loss you have to do the grieving work?

i bet that baby thought it was dying - mom beating the space all around it - we don't have seperate senses of selves at that age yet. that woul be very scary. then reaffirmed by dad kicking the baby - the baby learns it is "not alive" - not allowed to exist.

just thoughts... hope you are safe. kiya