I didn’t love him. I only went with him because he came into my life. He presented the opportunity to get away from my parents’ house. He was my escape. But then I wanted to escape him. I felt stuck. I realized I was making a commitment to someone I didn’t really want. It didn’t feel right.

Then he had a total meltdown that I had left him.

I jumped in to nearly committing my life to someone I only went with because he was there and wanted me.

I worry that he would hurt me even now because he was homeless for his whole life and said he always cursed me for ruining his life. All those years with no contact, he still thought of me as the love of his life who broke his heart and blamed me for why he was homeless and unable to keep his head about water.

I know I do not deserve blame for what he says and I intentionally did nothing wrong to him. But I’m scared of his rage.