Saw T3 tonight. The last week I have been super agitated, unable to sleep. She wanted to trace that back. We sort of started doing that. She talked too much, as usual. She has been fantastically helpful in the past with brainspotting, but not very helpful with the talking.

Somehow we got to me being frustrated, feeling like I am progressing backwards. She said that in order to do good work, we have to agree on goals. And. We don't.

I told her that I don't think we agree on goals, that I hear her saying that I need to go with whatever her goals are (and be "good"). And that I think I might as well quit. She asked if I wanted to take a break. I was switching all over the place and struggling to stay present. All I could really say is that I don't know. That was an adult part not letting me just quit in the heat of the moment. She pulled the usual therapist card of I should come back and talk about taking a break or quitting, that we should have goals in writing, etc.

It's so frustrating because the Brain Spotting has been so, so helpful. But she isn't going there, has said that a few times when I have asked. I hate to give up on the hope that the brain spotting has held for me. But, we haven't done any since June. And to keep going and keep talking is just doing the same thing and expecting different results.

I guess it is time to at least take a break. I don't really want to burn the bridge, but I also am just not interested in putting myself through another session just to say that I am taking a break. Due to the holiday weekend, if I am not going to my next appt (which is Tuesday), I will need to cancel tomorrow. I want to cancel. No, what I really want is to do the body stuff; emdr, brain spotting, SE. But I guess I have to find someone else who will do that. Which means I will probably have to drive a couple of hours, one way. Sigh.