I am so grateful for your replies. I feel really unhappy about this because I really loved him and still do. I keep doubting myself because of his reaction. I never felt comfortable with the woman and I was worried in case I got it wrong and I was seeing something that wasn't there. I do think she has a personality disorder, she is in her late 30s and my ex is 50. I am 50 too. I sometimes wish I had never said anything to him then I would still be with him, sometimes I wish I had spelled it out to him that she has a personality disorder, and that she is using him as a surrogate husband. I was always a bit wary of saying that in case she reacted in a bad way to me.She is always arguing with people and calling them names. I think I am a bit frightened of her to be honest. Why can't he see what she is, should i spell it out to him or go and have a talk with his brother about it all?