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Originally Posted by SalingerEsme
This post is so eloquent. Are you allowed to write email to her? Maybe you could write to her the story of your day, your window on the world, your memories, the book you love etc, but just send one on the day before your session so it is intentional and under control? . You could invite her into the better things in your mind, and ask her not to reply? I think it helps transference to have the antiseptic of sunlight, for you to see her seeing you as not your disorder but how you understand your best times and if you miss them and want them back etc. I just say this bc you're very good with words even in such a state of anguish.
[QUOTE. They are very happy together, and can't seem to cope with those thoughts..
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So that is definitely the thing they try to teach us not to do: "mind reading". No one is as happy together as they look in photos. Photos lie and tell the truth simultaneously. Marriage is hard, and I bet you get some tender and attentive attention during sessions the husband does not get.
Have you done this in the past- obsess about a relationship? I think it is the ultimate evasion of self, to give to much vitality to another person while staying in a state f suffering oneself.
That is all I got. I miss my T as well, and feel truly guilty about my boyfriend bc T takes so many of my thoughts out of daily life. I also get defiant and angry inside that with all the confiding and consoling inside session, it is clear once outside it it is the job, the work, at best a "calling".
It is a truly painful situation, but there is a good amount of hope it can teach us about ourselves, and why we prefer to pour our energy out on thing obsessively about another instead of finding a way to put our jigsaw puzzle pieces together well enough to love for real in the real world.[/QUOTE]
Yes, she even encouraged me write an email between our sessions, because i see her once in every two weeks. Maybe her intentions are the same as you mentioned on your firs paragraph.
Yes i did, it happened in the past. I have a sort of an "anti attachment issue", i start to feel for girls who are strong and care about me. It is about me, about never experiencing reciprocal love and being neglected emotionally. I sometimes feel and wish that she will fill that void, and i know it's wrong.
I totally understand the "once outside it it is the job, the work" thing, it is a fragment of the pain that i am feeling.
I wish i would learn something from this situation, to love for real as you said, and to never make this mistake again. To find someone or something. But it is not easy. She is the only person that truly makes me happy.