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Originally Posted by toomanycats
I told him my fears that he'd stop caring about me, and he said "well, if it were to happen, there's nothing you could do about it or to stop or change it." And I thought...is he saying what I think he's saying?? So I repeated to him: "So, you could stop caring about me, and there's nothing I could do about it?" And he said "Yes. But, it goes the other way too. If you wanted me to stop caring, there's nothing you could do..."
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If life experience has taught me anything, it's that anyone can stop caring, and anyone can leave, and there is nothing I can do about it. I don't want that to be true, but it is. And hearing it out loud, hearing it from you especially, hurts, and I want, more than anything in the world, for you to be able to "scoop little me up" and promise me that you won't stop caring about me and that you won't leave me, but you can't. Nobody can. I'm not a child, and the time for anyone to say those things is gone. And, in fact, the people who have made those promises are the ones who broke them in the shittiest ways. Made worse because I keep wanting so badly to believe such a promise can be true...I keep believing it can be true "maybe this time...maybe this time." I hate it. I hate it. And everything is agony.
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tmc - I'm sorry you are hurting so much. I hope this is not bad timing on my part. I find it important that he also said this "Yes. But, it goes the other way too. If you wanted me to stop caring, there's nothing you could do..."
Like you said, people have promised that they will always be there for you, always care, and never leave you in the past and broke it. He was acknowledging that his feelings are his, if he cares or not cares about you, it is about him and not your actions. I agree his wording sucks beyond belief and was not what you were needing in the moment. I do believe he was trying to reassure you that even if you tried to push him away, he would still care, because he does care about you.
