Thanks, LT and Elio

C is consistent enough in his insistence on caring about me that I KNOW he wasn't saying "I'm going to stop caring about you, and there's nothing you can do about it," but that's just what keep repeating in my head. I know what he was getting at -- that it's not my fault people have stopped caring -- that there's nothing I can do to make his feelings go either which way (although I don't believe this. I absolutely believe I could do things to make him stop caring). I do get that. Logical me gets it. The rest of me, though is just like.........
seriously this was the worst time for this kind of thing
We spent our entire session with me fighting back tears over S (exT) and his seeming to have stopped caring about me

Literally this was just the worst time ever.

I feel like I'm dying. This pain is uncontainable.