I am so frustrated with myself from session today. I was brokenhearted over new family photos T put up and displayed. I hope it didnt show. Before his photo was discrete, and tipped to his desk so only he could see.

I have serious childhood trauma, and he pushes me to tell all these secrets, which I do. I trust him. He is an expert in trauma , and also I trust his humanity and respect that he takes boundaries seriously. I am not sure if the little kids pain me so much bc the is the age we focus on that I was, or because I am jealous how much more he cares about them than his job or me despite all the confiding( he says he leaves therapy in the office and doesnt think about it again when he leaves for the day).

The minute I saw the photo, it was like an uncrossable distance came between T and me, like I lost him in the woods or saw him far across a room.

I cant understand myself, or why I feel this way. I have a BF who is all the things T is- bright, insightful, funny, but somehow increasingly it is only T who makes me feel safe. I dont know if confiding in him and not BF is a mind game I am playing with myself, but the feelings were epically sad and sorrow out of proportion to anything I should feel. I am seriously thinking about quitting, bc I am losing perspective that this is a professional in an office I see for fifty minutes, and I just want to curl up in the palm of his hand and not have to leave. I feel extremely guilty about my BF.