Hello Aesthete: I'm sorry you are struggling with these difficult relationship issues. I'm not a mental health professional. So I'm not going to try to suggest what might be going on with your bf. But, from my perspective, he has some serious issues!

If it was just you, & you wanted to continue trying to make this relationship work, then I think I would simply say good luck. But I believe you wrote elsewhere that you have 3 kids between the ages of 8 & 2. That being the case, my recommendation, for what it's worth, would be to get as far away from this man as possible, as soon as possible.

I used to know a guy who was fond of saying: "If you want to know which way the bullet's going, look down the barrel of the gun." If you re-read what you've written here, you'll see what your life, & you kids' lives, are likely to be like if you remain in this relationship. I wish you well.