How can I sit here and just …. Be the type of person I am. I hate myself. I hate myself for feeling all that I do.

My friend came in my room and poured her heart out to me about her family, and things with our friends, and religion… and all I could do was sit here and be angry. Be angry and frustrated and AHH I hate this. I hate me. What the hell type of person does that to a hurt friend? I’m no good to her.

If I could wish for anything right now… it would to just blend in with the floor. Disappear. Curl up in a ball, close my eyes, and just … vanish.

This is bad… I have no reason to be feeling any of this. Is it just me then? Is there just something fundamentally wrong, some mix-up of wires in my head or something?

I can’t cry. I wish I could. I wish I could talk about this… but I don’t know where to start. I just feel all of these things at once, but at the same time feel nothing. Nothing good anyways. Happiness (if present) is short-lived, and often followed by further depression.

Simply put, I can’t do this anymore. I NEED something to change … or my SI days are not going to reach anywhere near a high number.