Hello Dyreal: I recall reading your previous post on this situation. I hope you are okay. I don't know as there is a lot I can say here beyond what I wrote in my reply to your previous post. But I thought I could at least give you some links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives on the subject of recovering from guilt, shame and regret. Perhaps something in these will be of some benefit:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/guilt-t...pling-emotion/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/shame-t...ntial-emotion/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/breakin...tive-behavior/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/therapi...cept-yourself/

The other thing I guess I can just suggest here is that simply being here on PC, reading & replying to other members' posts & posting more of your own, perhaps participating in some of the regularly scheduled chats, can be really helpful. So I'd like to encourage you to hang in here with us. You may well even find one or more members you feel comfortable with, with whom you can communicate via Personal Message. I can certainly understand how you feel about what you did. But you're not the only one to have done so. And you can rise above this and succeed. I send hugs your way with the hope that it might be so...