I felt extremely distressed just reading this. It's very difficult for me to think about the idea of ​​being locked away somewhere with people and I have to stay attentive 24/7 so I do not even leave the house. I feel that there is something beyond anxiety and I like to call it social claustrophobia. When I find myself in situations where I have to face this kind of thing, I soon find myself losing my head and the fine line between sanity and insanity. I feel like I'm not too far from the last option.
I often find myself so nervous around people that it is so common for me to lose my line of reasoning in the middle of speech, or else to forget words, memories. Sometimes I just say to the person, "Hey, I have something to tell you." and I forget. It's really quite embarrassing. I feel ridiculous. Over time I have forgotten so much and today my memory is so bad.
All I wanted was not having to go through all this.