Wow, your dad was in the past capable of focusing enoygh to get his MD & PhD in China.

Sadly the bottom line is tjat if he doesnt want help he wouldn't be helped even if he did go to see someone.

Your dad sounds very much like the husband I was married to for 33 years before I got fed up & left 10 years ago....though he always worked he had problems working with people & the messes he made that I constantly had to clean up in our marriage...too many to count. We were both computer engineers.

The only thing from personal experience I can say is that therapy might help your mom learn how to deal with the situation better....it will NOT change yoyr dad. I had bad therapy while married but good therapy wouldnt have help anyway except to have maybe pushed me into leaving sooner.

After being away from the marriage & trying to figure out what had been going on all those years, one T I went to had suggested that it was definitely possible my H had undiagnosed Asperger's. When I finally researched it & read as much as I could find about it, I checked off every one of his behaviors as a match. Did ut make any difference....NO. I sent information to him about it but total denial & refused to get diagnosed. Wondering now if he has some dementia going on too though 66 is yoyng for that normally.

Sometimes just knowing yourself what yoy are dealing with can help even when they refuse help.

Life is complex & dysfunctional people make it even more complex. I wish there was a good answer that would offer you the help you are seeking....there just isnt from my personal experiences. I would just start resesrching possible things even like ASD (aspergers) given his intellugence but lack of ability to work with people. It could be just language barrier & personality issues or it could be more....its wirth researching all possibiluties even if ut doesnt do yoyr dad any good it will help your understanding.

Honestly by the time I left my husband I was angry all the time to the point of actually seeing red every time I had to deal with him & I hated him for what he had done to my life....but now knowing what I know I feel only compassion & a sadness for him but would never go back. I actually hid from my marriage in my career. Your mom may find her career to serve the same purpose....though I know there was never love even at the beginning of our marriage yoyr parents situstion might be very different in that live may have existed. That made it much easier for me to walk away when it became financially possible.

Relationships are so complex & each is different & yiyr parents are the only ones who can resolve their issues or even want to.