I can identify with how your feeling very much. I am exhausted physically and mentally. Why ? Because I got what I prayed for. I too was alone. I too have a chronic pain issue. I was so lonely and depressed that I worked my way back into my ex’s life. Now I’m back home and more frustrated than ever. To put it simply , I went from a very nice quiet life into a life full of drama and frustration and anxiety. I feel I have lost all self respect for myself. I was abandoned, by everyone who I am now talking to. It’s like all that stuff never happened.
For them. But I can’t keep but wonder how my life would be now if I had cut all communication with her , like I should have.
I went through terrible pain when I was alone. BUT I was coming out the other side. I was beginning to develop a new mindset. Living in the now. Caring just for myself. It sounds selfish but we’re talking survival here.
I also am a very grateful person , don’t get me wrong, but I also wanted a better life for ME. Not in a selfish, egotistical way, just in a “raise my self esteem way”.
Hang in there . Just focus on the now. Forget the holiday crap that depresses so many of us. The anxiety. Work on your health issues one day at a time.
And most of all, don’t put pressure on YOURSELF.
The best to you and all.