[QUOTE=Sevensong;5955330]

[Quote] Thanks for reading. I'm not sure what I wanted with this except maybe some support or to feel less alone. I've got a long road ahead of me, and it scares me sometimes to think how much of it I'm going to have to continue climbing alone until my hard "self-work" starts paying off. I don't know how I'm going to find the strength, courage, hope, and inner resources to make it. But I know I have to if I ever want to change my life -- and I DO. [ Quote ]

Your last passage sums things up well. You do have work to do but be kind to yourself in the process ! Your trying. Sometimes we have to try many different methods in order to find what works for us. The main thing is never to give up.
Fight through the emotional pain. Life is a journey. We need to take it all in.
Good and bad. It’s what makes us stronger.
Skeeyks gives some very good advice. I’m going to look into it myself.
Eastern philosophy and teaching have much to offer the troubled western modern mind. You can get your “payoff “ right now , by just hanging in there and sharing and working different methods. Live in the moment. Don’t worry about next week or year. Just today.
You said you don’t know where your going to find the strength you need, you will
surprisingly find it within yourself !!!
Hang tough and your life will improve and you will start to feel better.
Best to you my friend in pain.