hey
i have very few close friends, and a lot of acquaintances. i belong to a few whatsapp groups, which are moderately active. i don't get many whatsapp messages and it's like a highlight to get a personal message from an actual friend. having few friends and trouble connecting to people is a longstanding problem i have. i find it difficult when i message a friend, and then a long time passes with no reply, although i can see that they have been online in the interim. in the past i've been through long periods with no close friends and when i do have closer friends it always feels dangerous, like i could lose them really easily.

i know the old advice of not to take things personally - eg: they could be driving, could be arguing with a partner, could be busy and forget to reply, could be dealing with an issue etc. i just find it a bit hurtful. recently what happened was i was with a friend who was having a message conversation with another friend, who hadn't responded to messages i had sent him days previously.

in a way i can see how it's just an effect of having too few friends, because if i had more friends it wouldn't matter as much. i guess i just feel like i'm really shut off from people much of the time though, because i have to come to expect no reply from people, or just accept that i have to rely on myself. i am really bad at making friends!