Hi Rocky Road, welcome to Psych Central and the PTSD forums. I am sorry that this holiday triggered and retraumatized you, this is a difficult holiday for a lot of the members here myself included. A lot of members can relate to feeling safest at your home too and also having a difficult time trusting. Keep in mind though that most animals have a place they run and hide in. It's important to understand that the symptoms you are experiencing are normal reactions to some kind of threat. We are wired to react to a threat with fight, flight, freeze, and fawn and with flight the desire to run to some kind of safe place.

When it comes to complex PTSD often the child part of the person experiences a lot of "invalidation" or that child part gets reactions that tell them to feel shame for having a problem which is a problem the child is experiencing and has no life experience to know what to do about it.

One of the things I have learned is how important it is to have a therapist that specializes in trauma therapy. A good trauma specialist, especially when it comes to an individual who experienced a traumatic childhood, will know not to respond to the patient with "just ignore and don't feel comments". The other thing that's important in a therapist is to not criticize their patient because that's something the patient struggling has already faced and tends to feel guilt and shame for having these extremely challenging symptoms.

I was really triggered this year myself. I ended up venting in a very long thread here in this forum. Whenever I do that I genuinely struggle with some kind of anticipation of someone responding with "just get over it and you are wrong for sharing" comment.

Christmas is such a hard holiday to get through because of how it's supposed to be a holiday where one is supposed to celebrate "family". It's been romanticized so much when it comes to "the ideal Christmas" that it's no wonder so many get so they dread it. It is the busiest time of year for therapists. For so many it's something they just want to survive through and a lot of people just want to find a way to "ignore" it. And YES, for a lot of people it can mean being traumatized in some way and I experienced that myself this year and like you I have been struggling. I honestly can't tell you how long it takes either because that really depends on your history and what you experienced that retraumatized you. However, what can help is talking about it with someone you feel safe with. And I know even that can be a challenge but the only thing you can do is keep trying to find a place you can feel "safe" to sit and talk things out. At least in this forum there are others that understand the challenge and can relate to the things you have shared already.