Hello Adventurous: Thanks for sharing your concern. I'm not a mental health professional. So anything I say is just my personal opinion. But, from my perspective, this is simply one part being a teenager & experiencing that curiosity of the opposite gender you mentioned plus, perhaps, one part OCD. I truly doubt this has anything to do with Sexual Sadism Disorder.

There is a form of OCD which is referred to as "Pure O". Perhaps you're familiar with it? Family therapist, Kati Morton, has a video on her YouTube channel on the subject of Pure O. If you haven't seen it, perhaps hearing what Kati has to say might be of some benefit:



Also here's a link to an article from PsychCentral's archives on coping with emotions as a teenager:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archiv...your-emotions/

I believe the fact that you came here to PC to "talk" about this, & that you know you don't want to actually do it, are excellent signs. Ideally, it would be good if there were someone in real life you could talk with about this. However unless you happen to be seeing a therapist, it's probably not something you want to bring up to friends or family members... even trusted ones. You can certainly continue to post about it, here on PC. And, if there is another PC member you feel close to, perhaps you might discuss this further with that person via PC's Personal Messaging function. I wish you well...