I feel like I can sort of begin to relate to my T as I do my coworkers in some respects now... it's made me have sympathy for her, and it's an interesting experience.

*****Warning: If you're struggling with feeling insecure about T & their feelings for you, this may bother you....******

Although I'm not a T, I'm a case manager. I found myself last session talking about how difficult it is to have a moment's peace in the day to work on case notes, because my clients all live in the building that I work in and therefore think I should be available constantly when I'm at work. They all like to pop in on me. Although I care about all my clients, and like them all... and even enjoy that they check in with me. (I can recognize and appreciate that they trust and are becoming attached to me)... I also need to have time to do my case notes and other paperwork, and I need a place to retreat to when the emotions of my work are too strong and I need processing time. I don't have that. We don't have a staff lounge, and my office has big windows and a glass door.

Anyway, I was talking with T about all this, and she started relating. She said she really likes the house she uses as an office now because she closes off a section of it for the "waiting room" and then has the rest of it to roam around in. She said, "I like that I don't have to see anyone until I am ready [in the right space] to see them, know what I mean?" I knew exactly what she meant, and I wasn't bothered at all by it like I would have been at one time. She said in her old office, she'd walk out just to go to the bathroom and get stopped and asked to sign a paper, or talk about something, or whatever. That always happens to me, too.

It was a weird experience being able to relate to T like that. Made me think about all the times I called her at home when I was in crisis. There was even a time in my therapy when I emailed her pretty much daily, heavy stuff, too. And she answered me pretty much daily, on her own personal time.

I've really come to appreciate the sacrifices she made for me. I don't know if I'll be able to handle as much as she does when I become a T.