I'm having a tough time accepting my brothers death. His funeral was yesterday and I wasn't able to attend since I no longer live down south. I didn't have a way to get down there in time. I'm beginning to have a mixed episode, but I feel numb. Might have to go back IP after staying out for 7 years straight. The thought of that scares the crap out of me! My clinic has a day program though that I can go to from like 8-5 during the week so I'm thinking of trying that before I admit myself for IP treatment. I go see the nurse Monday to figure out if my medications need adjusting and if I can join the day program. My back has been hurting pretty bad too but my broken foot had been healing up pretty well until I fell on it today. Slipped on an ice patch by the door. It seems like it keeps raining on me and it's not letting up any time soon. My other brother seems to think I can drive with a broken foot, but if I get into a wreck I'm 100% liable since I would be driving with a broken foot so I refuse to drive right now. Idk nobody in my family seems to be listening to me when I say I'm not doing too good. They keep telling me to just "suck it up" and that it will "be better soon" but they don't understand how Bipolar works. It doesn't just go away because you want it to. I'm losing interest in the things that I normally love .. music sounds dull. Maybe it's a depressive episode and not a mixed .. idk. I lost my grandma in October and she was the main reason I moved up north, it was to help take care of her. I was only here for around 3-4 months before she passed. I now stay in her house and it's a little difficult with her being gone. But I'm adjusting to it. I spend 90% of my day sleeping now. I just randomly check on here because you guys know what it's like to have Bipolar whereas my family doesn't. 2 of my brothers have Bipolar .. so you would think they would understand but they don't. Idk I feel all alone up here even with the few family members I have up here because nobody is taking me seriously. I'm trying to stay strong though.