Met a woman on a website, (a kink site truth be told).

She lives 300 miles away from me. 37 to my 31, a single mum, a paed. nurse.

Heavily flirted with me, wanted my phone number (thought it was a windup) and for a month, was calling everyday for 2 hours plus. She called me btw, not the other way round.

Her phone went kaput, and so she kept up contact via the site and fetlife.

She got quite irritable sometimes, and apologised, identifying that she had a lot of stuff going on. One night, messaged me, saying she was suicidal, and had cut her leg. Helped her through it. Didn't judge. Last we spoke on the phone, she wanted me to come visit her. Made it very clear how attracted she was to me, and um, performed an intimate act on the phone. I apologise for being graphic, I am not bragging. I am merely trying to make it clear via context, that all signs from her seemed to indicate clear, significant, frank interest.

She dropped off for a fortnight, and I mean entirely.

Sent her a message asking if she was ok, got a reply:

"Stepping back from everything, don't know if Im ever coming back, hope your ok."

And I felt really mad. I had helped her, she had lashed out at me and I forgave it, realising there was stressors and now, all of a sudden: shes cutting things dead? It felt really ******, and I felt used, and I said as much.

"thought we had a bond, glad I meant so much to you. You ARE a b****. This is unfair, your blowing hot and cold."

She blocked me on fetlife, and imagine my surprise, when she comes back to the kink site, and lo and behold is right there, in the chatroom! Ya know, the place she thought she would take a step back from, never return?

And cue the "oh Im very hurt by your email, you calling me a b**** and all, that was vile" and her bleating on about "needing to look after herself as selfish as that is." The word b**** is a word she has used to describer herself, repeatedly btw.

I feel like such a ****ing idiot, for getting suckered. I am pissed with her blowing hot and cold, at her just shutting me out like that, when she KNOWS I cared about her, and worried about her. She didn't mind confiding in me previously but now, she is mute?

During the conversation in the chatroom, I had said to her:

"guess my novelty wore off huh?"

the reply was:

"I never said that, you grossly underestimate yourself."

Tried to gauge the extent of the damage.

"So, you don't want to be friends?"

The reply: "I didn't say that, I'm just looking after myself."

Later I tried a different tact.

"is there any chance of us getting ok again?"

the reply: "at the moment, no."

"in the future?"

"I don't know."

Just feel really exhausted by all this, mixed-messages, yo-yoing of interest/disinterest, and its very frustrating.


I have never had a relationship, been on a few dates, never went anywhere. Just feel like I've missed some large red flag(s).