I believe you are valuable and should continue fighting. I understand how you feel. My illness started when I was in my late 20's and has never ceased. With therapy and medication, I survive. But, how you live is up to you. Instead of staying inside and being all alone, go outside and enjoy it. You live in LA where I used to live. Why don't you go to the beach and just soak up the sun? Who cares if you are by yourself. You can also listen to music that you enjoy to cheer up up. Or, how about eating something nice? I have fought my illness for over 20 years now. I will tell you that if you take your medication and have therapy, life is manageable to a certain extent. But, it also depends on the choices you make. If you continue to feel sorry for yourself and compare yourself to others, then you will feel more miserable. I have been there. I stopped feeling sorry for myself when I became homeless and met others who were addicts, prostitutes, vagrants, etc. who had no place to live and to go and not enough money to eat. Sometimes, you experience situations which open your eyes. After that experience, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and became responsible for myself. I wanted to work and take my medication and be able to take care of myself. I am not suggesting you become homeless but realize you are not in the worst situation where you have to think about where your next meal is coming and where you are going to sleep. You have a mental condition which prevents you from enjoying yourself and life. This can be ameliorated with medication and therapy and making wise choices about feeling good about yourself. I still make unwise choices if you read my other posts. So, we all have problems to face. Please don't wallow in misery but feel grateful for what you have and feel good about yourself. Nobody can help you if you don't want to help yourself. I finally started taking my medication after my homeless experience and realizing my life is in my hands. I was also threatened to be given ECT if I did not shape up. The doctors try to convince my family to agree to ECT but they said no. I got out of the hospital after awhile then ran away and became homeless. It was a good thing for me because it opened my eyes. I am grateful to be alive today. Being a homeless woman on the streets at night is not safe and very dangerous. I stayed safe by staying alone and checking into the homeless shelter when I could. I got a job as a stripper but I was not able to keep my tips because I was stupid and put them in my bag and some other stripper stole my money. So, I finally went home after encouragement from the social worker on-site at the homeless shelter. I was not too excited about going home but after not being homeless and not being able to eat, I accepted my family's help. So, after that experience, it took me about three years to recover then I came here and have been doing odd jobs and surviving somehow. I was wondering if my family sent me here to get rid of me but don't really care. I am surviving and am doing ok. You will be ok too someday. Just take it one day at a time and don't look back. Best wishes!! Happy New Year!!