It sounds like she deals with a lot of emotional volatility, but she is genuine in that she expresses and acts upon what she is feeling in the moment. You seem unaware of this, and so you treat each feeling she presents as if it reveals a permanent state of mind. With that in mind, you seem to consider her to be manipulative when her next genuine emotion comes along and she changes (again). In other words,when she blows hot and cold you see her as manipulative and call her a b****, whereas I see her as being genuine in each moment. Her feelings sound like a wild bronco and she is perhaps doing her best in trying to ride them.

It was in fact extremely hurtful of you to call her a b****, because by doing so you accuse her of being manipulative when she evidently tries to be genuine, sees herself as true to her feelings.

I don’t know if she is a right person for you. Maybe not. You seem to want things pinned down, settled, you take her at her word and assume that that word applies indefinitely. She though is more like a muscular butterfly, all over the place but seemingly true to herself in each moment. To me the question is whether you can come to accept her in each moment. Can you accept that today she might be close and tomorrow not? When she disappears or reappears on a site can you accept that, express that you miss her without being critical or taking it personally or seeing her as manipulative?

It sounds like you did a great job supporting her when she was suicidal. She allowed herself to be vulnerable with you and that worked out well for her. But that does not mean that from now on she will “always” be vulnerable with you, especially after you called her a b****. (It doesn’t matter that she called herself a b****, it was still hurtful coming from you).

If you want to try to connect with her, my advice is to not try to pin her down, like a butterfly on a board, but learn to accept and respond with steadiness and kindness to what she presents in each moment. It will be challenging and it may or may not work out, so I ask you: Is she worth the risk?

(PS I think you write very well and I am wondering if you are a writer. Just saying. )