Another deleted LOL! not sure if thats good or bad LOL! or somewhere in between! LOL!

I've felt a huge relief since yesterday. this hug thing though, it seems to have been transformed in meaning since I actually spoke the words "would-you-hug-me"..it was something about the non urgency in T's face, and her added reply "yes-and-talk-about-it". I didn't want to hear the "talk-about-it" part yesterday, but today, I feel as if that part of me that always wanted my real mother to come and hug me has finally been satisfied, though in fantasy, and sometimes that is the only place we will find resolutions. But now the wanting to be hugged, isn't quite so urgent, the wanting to understand why it felt so important is coming to the forefront of my mind. I feel ready now to talk-about-why-this-meant-so-much-to-me and finally ready to accept another-way-to-have-my-needs-met, maybe a more adult way??? perhaps? I think? we're seee? but I am content today!