You come from a family that has normalized violence. I don't believe you are naturally violent, yourself. I believe you've been conditioned to being around violence and intimidation. I think you've been so thoroughly conditioned, probably from early in life, that violence may seem to you like an unavoidable part of living. It's not. Most people completely avoid it. You've spent your life immersed in it in one form or another. Your own high intelligence and decent values have caused you to question this "normalcy," but, given your history, that's like a fish trying to question the need for water. Violence is the "medium" you've been swimming in for so long.

Your family is beyond "dysfunctional." Way beyond. Unfortunately, you don't have a lot of alternatives for human connectedness, if any. A lot of your problems in life - like, roughly all of them - are a result of you coming out of this family system. Your sister suggests a "false moral equivalency." That's the idea that her slapping you was called for by some "abusive" behavior on your part. Then there's your brother and father backing her up. You are intelligent enough to analyze this, but anyone subjected to this kind of years' of brainwashing tends to lose their ability to have faith in their own judgement. Somewhere along the line you got designated as the family whipping girl. I'm afraid that's all you are even going to be in that family system. That gives you the options of either staying connected to them and their abuse, or being horribly alone in the universe. That's an awful choice to have to make.

Your sister slapped you because she gets off on slapping people, as your niece can testify. Violent, bullying people aren't usually brave. Your sister calculated that you would not retaliate. (You are seven years younger and probably stronger.) God knows what family pathology groomed her into being what she has become. But your sister and your brother "get off" on hitting people, especially when they drink. (That's what alcohol does. It magnifies a problem.) Stay away from them. Do not drink with them.

In a family where everyone hits the family dog, the dog gets used to it. The dog won't even run away. Please, run away. She talked to you on the phone like nothing happened. Sure. What happened represented normalcy to her. What she said about you assaulting you father is "truth" to her. She can make herself believe any B.S. she needs to believe.

Is there any chance you could draw closer to your niece and nephew? They understand what's going on and might be able to give you some reality checks. Your dad, sis and brother have fabricated their own reality. When you're with them, that's the only reality you'll be part of.

When you were seeing a counselor, did you talk about what goes on in your family? Actually, you were right when you said you have no family - not with these people. I'm sorry. It's awfully sad. Maybe, when your mother was around, there was something there for you. There isn't now. I'm so sorry.