Quote:
As much as I enjoy the companionship of friends, my tendency is to push them away whenever I feel hurt by them.
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This is a very common symptom when it comes to struggling with complex PTSD. Each person has sensitivities based on whatever they failed to get in their early childhood years. The other thing that is important is whatever an individual was encouraged to consider "the ideal" and whatever messages the individual received where they were hurt for not meeting up with that "ideal".
From the time we begin going to school, we are faced with having to deal with being criticized for whatever we don't master in a lot of different areas. So, basically, we consistently face judgement and criticism that it's no wonder we have a list of so many different mental health challenges. Actually, just recently Facebook creators admitted that all the "likes" that they have included in their social media connections actually can be bad for our "mental health". Our children don't really know what "poor" is, they are taught what poor is and they are taught "shame". It's no wonder so many are so susceptible to being drawn into something "toxic" when someone comes along and suddenly treats them like they actually have "value".
When you push your friends away, it's not so much them you are avoiding is it?
Can you make a list of the things that these friends do or say that tend to trigger you the most where you pull back and avoid?