Hi Fernwehxx-- I relate a lot to what I feel in what you've written and have been giving this a lot of thought lately during what feels like a kind of impasse between my T and me. I am compulsively attentive to boundaries with my T . (She invites me to be in touch between sessions and I never am, I am careful not to raise my voice in session even when I'm expressing very powerful stuff, I get nervous when we're in close physical proximity when passing in her hallway). I've felt this to be a need to be "respectful" and "not threatening" but I think I've been protecting myself against how needy and vulnerable bumping up against a boundary would demonstrate me to be. And how humiliating it would be for me to ever be told that I'm overstepping. Basically, I've thought that I'm adhering so closely to boundaries out of respect my T but I think I'm doing it for me. What you wrote about never having "dared to be this open" is I think what made me connect what you wrote to the way I've been thinking about things. But big disclaimer--this of course is my experience and I'm not trying to "interpret" yours.