my t doesn't usually call between unless i call him... i didn't tell him anything he hasn't heard before... oh well

kiya... in my eyes you did make it through... i think when i focus on cutting as being a failure it makes it worse... yes, i know it's not a healthy choice...yes, i know i will be held accountable... but, i think maybe looking at the reasons more then the results... not that we don't need to find other ways... and i would give anything not to be feeling this way... does that make any sense?... i am hitting the hardest time of my cycle... and i really want to make it past the 8 weeks... but if i don't???? and if i do, but don't figure out the under lying issues then what? maybe i will go 12 years again... but, is that the measure of success...if it's still there just laying dormant? i would give anything to never have started... to have run away before he hurt me...before they hurt me... to have found a healthy person to share the secret with... to have been able to just say no... and for that to have worked... not to have married an abuser... to have been a better parent... to be able to fixs my kids problems like i did when they were babies... not to have cut again as an adult...the list goes on and on... but the reality is... this is where i am... and i really don't want to keep replaying all this forever...but i am far from figuring out the answer to how to do that...got any ideas?
lyn