Quote:
Originally Posted by confused_77
Very interesting what you are both writing. I think for about a year I was like that too.. i would not dare to ask for an outside contact and only send maybe 4 short txts in a year if it wasn't abour rescheduling. I didn't want to be needy, didn't realise I could ever have any outside contact etc. Therapy without emails have been a completly different experience, almost incomplete as I still had so much stuck in me.
Then I was about to move abroad and was so worried we would have to terminate sessions and I wasn't even comfortable talking about how much the sessions ment to me and I felt like I have not said so much of what I wanted so the first email was written in fear of not being able to ever express it. Then t suggested we could easily talk over skype and its been like that for 2 years now!
I do think that the healthy bounderies have only been overstepped very recently as I seem to just flow with emails. What bothers me is she has not commented on anything and I do mention the overstepping of bounderies in emails a lot and asked her a lot in writing to tell me that I have overdone it but she never does. I worry she doesn't say anything because I also stress a lot how much those emails mean to me.
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I bet in a way emailing could be helpful. On the other hand, I am not sure to what extent. If she didn't reply, I'd go crazy, If she did, I would be unsure of whether to write back again or not... and in the end, I'd feel bad for taking up her time beyond sessions (I have severe self-worth issues).
I also wonder if it just intensify my love for her and the pain this transference brings with it. I don't know, though.
Can't you ask her straight up to answer the boundary questions you asked? Because those unanswered questions aren't helping you, and she's you T and should tell you, hey, it's alright. or, hey, here are my boundaries, and you need to accept them. Ignoring the topic isn't a great way of dealing with it. It may mean it's just not that important to her, and in this case, you just need to tell her it is to you.
It's hard being that honest (for me, at least), but every time I am honest with my T and she reacts positively and in a caring way, my heart kind of leaps.
One topic that's really hard is transference. I am worried she ... dunno, thinks I'm nuts (she says she doesn't) or gets worried I might overstep boundaries or stalk her (I don't, but how can she know?) and would not want to worry her, or even lose her.... Therapy is complicated. LOL.
I wrote some kind of essay about my issues, more for myself, but I want to give it to her.... and am not sure if I should. I write so many things I'd love her to read but worry it might be too close and too much...