AY, I'm kind of horrified that the time your therapist chooses to be real, it's to call what you did pathetic. I don't think it's pathetic at all. It's a breaking point, a build up of pressure from taking all those other professional insults and not being comfortable (just guessing) speaking up when it's big stuff. So I think it's great that she broke free for a bit, but sheesh...

I have totally done the email thing that you talk about, and worse. My therapist has me back up frame by frame until I can identify the trigger and a warning signal (a feeling or something) just prior to doing the thing I later regret. It's such a slow and maddening process. For me, it all gets back to family stuff and not feeling safe or in control of what happens to me, so I let stuff build up and then...kaboom.