Blurting it out when really upset seems to be doing it for me right now. T says "it's better to just say it..." Poor guy... *sigh

You know, i pondered this and got a lot of comfort knowing it was normal, expected and OK... like Sky said, it's about trust... and personally, i never knew how bad my trust abilities were until i started this. Go easy on yourself, how can you just "do" what you've either never done or never learned how to do? Quick! Do a sumersault! See what i mean? Learning trust really shouldn't be so hard but this is what we have been dealt... we have to learn different skills and trust.. and someday it will seem easier maybe.. not so much like acrobatics or quatum physics.

What i do NOT understand... is DocJohn.. very sad about this.. One of his frontpage blog thingies is titled "why lie to your therapist?" and it really sounds like he is saying he does not understand why someone might lie or not say things... i am so deeply disappointed. i have always had respect for him, but i don't understand this. It simply cannot BE that he has never heard of trauma, or the concept of being conditioned into fear of telling... much less just the basic fear that folks who have never experienced trauma might have. This is a weird and scary relationship, unique... trust skills can be deficient for a whole host of reasons... how can a parent teach what they didn't know themselves, for example? i dunno what his deal is about this. The best i can figure is that he is just yanking cranks.. you know, ticking people off so they respond maybe? Would he really do that to people? Which idea is worse? being ignorant of such a basic therapy dynamic? or deliberately pushing people for clicks and email addys? i just don't know what to think. (any other possibilities would be appreciated as i am not happy with these two)

i hope that isn't a side track, i thought it was connected you know? People struggle with talking.. i don't know anyone who can just go in an talk easily to start with.. the time to build trust is really variable.

you could talk about that issue itself with your T... how you struggle to talk and know you have things to say but don't feel you can... tell her you are troubled by that... i have always found that talks about the relationship itself have opened up a lot of good stuff and built trust. i'm a talker.. but i was talking in circles, unable to say what i needed to unless i got freaked out some reason and just blurted something out.